Let Love Be Genuine

How the Gospel Retools us for relationship in Romans 12-15

Photo by youssef naddam on Unsplash

Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people.

The church is an inherently social institution, isn’t it? Whether you’re at a potluck or a small group, you share your church space with others. People with their own joys or problems. Rich and poor, male and female, blonde haired or blue eyed; they are all image bearers and, thus, deserve the best relational life the church can give them.

But some people are harder to love than others. A few years ago, I started to realize that churches contain both net-positive and net-negative people. Some will give life to you and your family; they’ll almost unintentionally encourage you. Your time with them will be sweet, a grace from God to you. But others will draw upon your patience and love. Those relationships will require you to trust God and look to Him for enough grace to love them well.

I have found that some people are drawn into this net-negative experience because they lived in net-negative homes. Still others have landed there all by themselves. Regardless, we simply don’t get the option of ignoring such people. They are fellow church members, loved by God and purchased by the blood of Christ. As such, we don’t get to be too choosy about our engagements. God places them in our proximity as He looks to soften their edges.

So… how?

If we are inherently sinful how are we suddenly supposed to simply stop being selfish and start being loving? If life in the church requires a fundamental posture of grace and love, where does that come from?

While most of us would agree that Romans is a rich doctrinal book, we might not see the connection with the relational life which God envisions for his church. But Romans 12-15 gives us a picture of a new life with others, filled with love and Spirit-filled affection for one another. I think if we read these chapters with open eyes, we find the following to be true; God has retooled His people for sacrificial living in relationship by Jesus’ self-sacrifice.

The practice of relationship

A quick survey of Romans 12-15 can overwhelm us. Paul speaks about genuine love and submitting to governing authorities and passing judgment. It is a dizzying social guideline. Tucked inside these chapters are some pretty famous passages too; “…by the mercies of God, offer your bodies a living sacrifice” (Rom. 12:1)… “vengeance is mine, I will repay” (12:19)… “be subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:1). A careless reading will simply jump from famous verse to famous verse and do little to try and string them all together.

But when we see the themes of the sections together, the social nature of Paul’s concern starts to rise to the surface. In fact, we start to get a better sense of the Roman church which Paul had yet to visit. They were diverse—Jews and gentiles smashed together into a church body. This left them many issues to navigate; food laws (14:2), calendar days (14:5), and wine used in religious ceremonies (14:21). But the issues themselves are only part of the problem. The more central problem, which Paul identified from afar, was division. In light of this, Paul gives a 3-chapter workshop on healthy relationships, both inside and outside the church.

Let’s take a brief look at each section, and make note of the highlights;

Spiritual gifts in a diverse body (12:3-8)

Paul addresses those “among” the church (v. 3). But the structure here is pretty simple; Paul gives a command in v. 3 (“not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think”) followed by an illustration in the body (v. 4-5) and its actual practice in exercising spiritual gifts (v. 6-7).

The upshot is this; thinking accurately about oneself means realizing your body-connectedness. You are no more independent than a severed hand would be. Instead, you are intricately linked to the other members of the body of Christ and need them… so stop thinking too highly about your independence.

A life inside and outside the church (12:9-21)

These verses initially appear like the junk drawer you keep in your house; a random assortment of odds and ends smashed into a little space. But if we look closely, we will see that the word evil is repeated three times with different emphases. Paul tells us to abhor what is evil (v. 9), not repay evil (v. 17), and finally overcome evil (v. 21).

Meanwhile, Paul’s statement in v. 9 becomes a defining theme; genuine love means living differently. It means abhorring evil, not returning evil, and overcoming evil. In short, we overcome evil (v. 21) by being authentic in love. Paul is giving us a heap of commands showing us what a loving relationship with others looks like, both inside and outside the body of Christ.

Submitting to governing authorities (13:1-7)

The verb be subject is used to delineate a section in v. 1-5 which shows us the need to submit to governing authorities because they come from God. Notice the relational words used in v. 6-7; respect, honor.

While this section seems most out of place, it was likely a hot-button issue in the Roman church. As such, Paul doesn’t categorize it as an issue of conscience (seeRomans 14-15) but gives a clear imperative; be subject (13:1). Because God has given these authorities, Paul wants Christians to relate to governing authorities in a state of obedience. Being on the wrong side of Roman authorities was disadvantageous to the church community.

Law-keeping and love (13:8-14)

Structurally, Paul gives us two clear chiasms which lend to two clear sections; verses 8-10 and verses 11-14. Verses 8-10 tell us that love is the fulfillment of the law (v. 8, 10) and verses 11-14 tell us to wake from our sleep by “putting on” (v. 12, 14) the Lord Jesus Christ.

Again, the emphasis on loving others as the fulfillment of the law is a relational emphasis. Both sections appeal to our personal holiness as a means by which we love others. Further, Paul’s clear emphasis on not doing wrong because of love (v. 10a, 8) leads us to the conclusion that sin is community-destroying and fundamentally unloving.

Love amidst Weak and Strong Consciences (Rom. 14)

Paul’s teaching in Romans 14 finds two clear sections. Verses 1-12 are split by two questions in v. 4, 10 so that the passage gives three sub-sections; God has welcomed “strong” and “weak” (v. 1-3), God is master of all in Christ (v. 4-9), and God will judge (v. 10-12). This is matched in the second section, largely written to the “strong”, in v. 13-23. That section emphasizes the need to not destroy another by our careless action, but instead to build them up (v. 19).

Paul calls the Romans church to avoid two particular actions. The “strong” person is not to despise the weak and the “weak” person is not to pass judgment on the strong (v. 3). The thorny issues of Jew-gentile relationships are difficult, but Paul’s wisdom is a solid guide for navigating such difficulties.

Gospel under-pinning for relationship

You may have noticed that our quick fly-over of Romans 12-15 skipped specific sections. In this way, I’ve saved the best for last. Truthfully, Paul gives us a few gospel truths that propel us into righteous relationships.

“By the mercies of God…” (Romans 12:1-2)

At the turn of his epistle, Paul advances his topic from a discussion of justification by faith to the application of it. Romans 12:1-2 is the turn. Notice the appeal backwards; “therefore” …“by the mercies of God”. Whatever Paul is about to say has to do with this gospel that he has been speaking of since Romans 1:16. It’s “by the mercies of God” that we are to “offer our bodies” (v. 1). Further, we can also presume that it is by the mercies of God that we be “transformed by the renewal of our mind” (v. 2). Paul’s call is complete; body and mind are made new by God’s mercy. The results of this new life is “spiritual worship” and discernment of the will of God.

Whatever Paul is about to say to us about relationships he says in the context of the mercies of God which enable us to sacrifice our body and renew our mind.

“Put on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 13:12, 14)

In two uses, Paul tells us to “put on” both “the armor of light” (v. 12) and “the Lord Jesus Christ” (v. 14). This of course is in response to his call to wake up;

Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake

from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed.

(Romans 13:12)

So, we take note. Paul sees the return of Christ as imminent, so he calls his readers to press into this salvation and put on Jesus. There is a serious ethical call in this passage, but it’s rooted in the past and present salvation; we don’t participate in orgies and drunkenness, sexual immorality and sensuality, or quarreling and jealousy because Christ is returning soon.

God is your judge (Romans 14:10-12)

Actually, Romans 14:1-12 present us with three different gospel windows, one for each sub-section in the text. First, Paul mentions that God has welcomed weak saints (14:3). Second, v. 9 tells us that Jesus died and rose again so that He might be “Lord.. of the living and the dead.” Finally, Paul mentions that we will “stand before the judgment seat of God”.

These themes unite in such a way to give us a sense that God is the master of our brother. We don’t have to pass judgment or despise another brother or sister in Christ (v. 3) because that brother or sister has a master. Further, that Master has welcomed them (v. 3). We don’t need to judge, because God is Judge (v. 10). Jesus has become their Lord and Master… they don’t need another.

Jesus is our Welcome (Romans 15:3, 7, 8)

Once again, as Paul is telling us not to please ourselves (15:1) but to please others (15:2), He gives the example of Jesus, who didn’t please Himself (15:3). In fact, Jesus bore the reproach which we deserved (3).

Verses 7-13 build from the statement made in v. 7; 7 Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. Paul shows that Christ served others; first the Jews (v. 8), so that the gentiles might also be reached (v. 9). This is teased out in a full-orbed quotation from the law (v. 10’s quote from Deut. 32:43), the psalms (v. 9 and 11), and the prophets (v. 12’s quote of Is. 11:1). This idea that Jesus welcomed gentiles is nothing new, but it has existed throughout the Old Testament.

The center of this is that Jesus welcomes us and, therefore, we should welcome one another (v. 7). If Christ has welcomed sinners—who had no fear of God before their eyes (Rom. 3:18)—we ought to also welcome those of marked difference than we are.

Practical considerations

Okay, but… so what? The gospel re-tools us to engage in relationships… and… ? Christian, God has given you everything necessary for you to be a functioning member of a local church. You are fully equipped to bring life to others. Jesus has risen from death to life, and brought your spiritually-dead self with Him. The old patterns of selfishness are no longer binding for you. Instead, God has set His holy Spirit inside of you, fully equipping you for whatever social skills which are demanded for the moment.

With that being said, let’s make a few practical applications;

Self-seeking will never yield a good relationship

Bad processes don’t yield good outcomes. Seeking good relationships on your terms hardly ever brings good results.

Imagine filling out a dating profile with all your most selfish traits; single male seeking single female to make me happy. I like walks, sports, ice cream, and others who enjoy letting me do whatever I want. I strongly dislike others who ask me to do something I don’t enjoy or have never experienced before. I always drive and I always hold the tv remote. I often interrupt or just stop paying attention when your thoughts aren’t worth my time.

I wouldn’t wait by the phone. If your entrance into a relationship is about your fulfillment—if you’re only looking for “net-positive” friends, don’t be surprised when you find yourself friendless.

On the other hand, those who welcome all like Christ find themselves invited into a beautiful mutuality. Each person can experience grace through the hands of another servant of God. Each interaction might surprise you with some new encouragement, unrealized truth, or glimpse of God’s goodness. Pursuing others like Christ can mean seeing Christ in unexpected places.

Old habits die hard

I often hear people list excuses for their anti-social behavior. I’m an introvert…I’m just true to myself and say what I mean… this is just my personality. Many have identified the patterns that short-circuit their relationships, but believe them to be hardwired into their system and, thus, renders them relationally ineffective.

But Christ died to change such issues as these. He has retooled you, retrofitted you for a life within His body. He has made you aware of your sin so that you might look to Him to change it.

Can I be honest? Sometimes the categories of introvert and extrovert don’t fit neatly into my experience. When my work was on a larger staff, I found myself to be a more introverted person. But when I largely worked alone as a church planter, my extroversion came out. I think we tend to adjust to the season of life. As for personality, God has made you with an amazing capacity to adjust. Are you sharp-tongued? You too can learn to speak truth… in love (Eph. 4:15). Are you mild-mannered? You too can learn to be bold (2 Th. 2:4). Personality traits aren’t binding. As an expression of trust in Christ, you might find yourself in unmarked social territory.

My youth pastor, Steve, shocked me one weekend. He told me that at one point he was incredibly introverted. The guy who would walk around the mall with those fake billy-bob teeth… an introvert! But his explanation always stuck with me; in college, he realized he was accepted by Christ and need not worry about what others thought. Personality isn’t forever.

Inviting the Lord into our relationships helps course correct

Intentional Christian friendships can be intimidating. We fear both abandonment and exposure. So, it’s just easier to make a series of benign connections, topics that don’t threaten anyone; how is work? Did you see the game the other night? How ‘bout that weather?

Starting a friendship that hits on spiritual topics is tough, but worth it. Friends are a worthwhile endeavor; they stand with you in adversity (Prov. 17:17), bring wisdom when it’s needed (Prov. 27:9), protect you amidst danger (1 Sam. 20) and strengthen your faith (2 Sam. 23:16). Christ-centered friendships remind us of the goodness and faithfulness of God.

If you don’t like your way of relating, look to the cross

At bottom, Paul’s call to gospel-rooted relationships remind us that we can put onnew patterns because of Christ. We don’t need to be defined by our old ways. We can live in a new way of self-giving.

The proverbs tell us that there is “one whose rash words are like sword thrusts” (Prov. 12:18a). That is, there is a way of going about relationship to kill. We might not realize that this is our intention, but it is. We seek to establish ourselves over the dead, bleeding corpse of another. It is the red-faced angry, yelling in traffic. It’s the angry post on social media. It’s the dismissive, derisive tone with which we describe our neighbor who disagreed with us. As such, we break the entirety of the second table of God’s law… we may not be adulterous or murderous, but we are unloving and so, law-breaking (Rom. 13:8).

But the proverb also goes on to say that “the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18b). There is a way of doing relationship which gives life. When we welcome others like Christ, we give them the opportunity for a better existence. Maybe we aren’t the wisest or most learned, but we are available and present.

Your life with Jesus and intentional welcome can be the life-giving means of God. It can raise up your brother or sister for the day. It can convict them of the entanglements of sin. It can be a source of encouragement, a drop of water on a parched tongue. Don’t be too self-focused to lift up your head and pay attention to others around you. Look to welcome like Christ welcomed you.